I was an obese kid, as a result I got my first periods at a very young age of 9. At first, I thought that I was having some kind of severe health issues, and I am going to die out of period cramps. All of a sudden, the environment around me started to change. My mom started to be so strict in my dressing style, the way I talk, the way I walk, and the list goes on. I was confused, along with a dozen of doubts and insecurities.
From my toe to my head, I felt the pain, both physically and mentally. I was broken. I was lost and was in a state of loneliness. Furthermore, I was going through a trauma where I could not explain anything to anyone, even to my mother. I thought my self has a severe mental person with a ton of health problems. Moreover, I could not understand where was my pain was. It was my leg ? Nor stomach? Nor head? My internal and external system seemed like shuttering into pieces.
Years after, Now also I suffer the same pain. Both mentally and physically. I know, we have a ton of meditations and medication for PMS. But there is something that no one can help you out ! During my periods, I cry for no reason, I get angry for no reason. And others, including my husband and parents, thinks that I am out of my mind. I know the fact that only a few women suffer from PMS. But it’s really hard. Very hard to express our thoughts and emotions to others.
Sometimes I am extremely happy, sometimes I feel hungry even though my stomach is full. Sometimes I feel hitting myself. Sometimes I am furious on my husband and I hate him the most. Sometimes, I am so in love with my husband. Sometimes I scold my kid for no reason. Sometimes I cry a lot and at last I fell asleep. Slipping into some black hole to nowhere. The emotions, go in and out. Mood swings just washes me like waves. And these things last for 5 to 6 days ! Every month!
Every month, whether in school nor in office, I take a day off. Otherwise, my situation becomes so worse that at the end of the day I would be exhausted like hell. I still remember one of my school days, where I came back to my home, in between the classes with a dress that was totally covered in blood !
To all the girls and women who suffer the same, don’t worry ! It’s ok to be the way you are ! You are perfectly ok! It some biological and psychological hormone who work as an evil agent in your body ! Relax, and be a self-support to yourself and remember never blame yourself because it will worsen your condition. If you can, try to help other women, who go through the same situation. Make a group and share your thoughts and express out your emotions, empty your jar. Refill it with a ton of happiness !