Let me tell my story ! After my graduation in 2017, I went for an internship, and I was placed at a very reputed company in Calicut, Kerala. Which was very far from my home village. So the only option for me was to stay in a hostel near to my office. I was appointed as junior ASP.NET developer. It was the start of my insecurities. I suffered a lot, not in terms of work pressure. It was my homesickness, I missed my home and my family. I was just going through a series of mental breakdowns, which affected my health. I resigned my job with the reason stating that my health was not well.
Later I joined, another company, as an ASP.NET developer, in Kannur. Which also was far away from my house. But I can travel. Daily I need to travel for 2 hours to my office, by train and bus. But somehow I managed to work there. But again, my insecurities built its structure. My fear of travelling back to home at night, from the office, ate my head. I was so uncomfortable travelling alone at night, along with a small life in my belly. Again I resigned, stating the reason of pregnancy.
Years after when I look back into my career, these reasons of my job resigns was so silly. These reasons were only my insecurities that made me sit in my comfort zone. I was not willing to get out from my comfort zone. My home and my family was my comfort zone. I somehow hated facing the society. I was scared by the people other than my family. I was scared, especially when I was alone with the people whom I was unfamiliar with. I was so scared to travel alone, especially at night. I was always depended on my mom, nor dad, nor my husband. I always travelled by their side. I was always under their wings. That was my comfort zone.
I struggled a lot during corona, pandemic, where I was the only one allowed to go to hospital for pregnancy check up. I suffered. My insecurities crawled like a spider on my head. I still remember the labor room. Apart from foreign countries here in Kerala, no one was allowed to stand by you, in labor room. My labor room felt like a ghost house for me. And the nurses turned as vampires for me. I was crying not out of pain, but out of my scariness of been alone. For been separated by my family.
But, my little boy made my eyes wide open. He taught me that no matter how lonely you are, you can be happy and secure even when there are no familiar people are around you. He gave me the energy to fight back to my insecurities. I started to read and take courses on human psychology, it was a new opening for me. I started counselling to help myself. But I ended up counselling my friends and family. But I never and ever took any kind of fee from them. My only intention was to help others. Because I know the struggles been in that mental state, where you are confused, and you sit at the door of depression. This blog is also a free platform where the only intention of me is to spread awareness among the people who suffer like me ! Because I know the depth of it. I have once travelled to the deep woods called depression. And counselling was the only narrow light that helped me to travel out. To the world of possibilities!
And now I am back to my professional work. I am taking very small steps, as for now I am working remotely, as a digital marketing executive at a reputed company. And it’s my probation period. Yes, I struggle a lot to fill my four years of work gap! I am sacrificing my sleep, my Netflix shows, my travels ! I miss my night drives. I miss my novels and books. But I am ready to struggle and fight! To break the comfort zone ! The wall I have built ! I need to break the wall of comfort zone to catch my dreams ! And if I can, why can’t you ?